This is not your fault. Not even a tiny bit.
Grown-ups divorce because of grown-up problems. Nothing you did or said caused it, and nothing you do can fix it.
A lot of kids secretly wonder if they caused it. Maybe they heard their parents argue about them, or about money spent on them, or they think if they’d been better behaved things would be different.
Here’s the truth: parents fight about all kinds of things, and sometimes kids are the topic, but kids are never the reason. A marriage ends because of what’s happening between two adults.
It’s also not your job to get them back together, or to keep everyone happy. You get to just be a kid.
Things that might help
- Say it out loud, even if it feels silly: "This is not my fault."
- Ask a parent directly: "Is any of this because of me?" Let them tell you no.
- If the guilty feeling won’t go away, tell a counselor. It’s one of the most common things they help with.
If you want to say it out loud
Not sure how to start? You could try:
“Sometimes I worry this is my fault. Is it?”
You could say it to a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a counselor, or someone on a free help line.
Things to tell yourself
- This is not my fault. Grown-up problems are not mine to fix.
- I am allowed to love both of my parents.
- It’s okay to feel relieved. Peace is something I’m allowed to want.