Being angry when your parents split up makes total sense. Something big changed, and nobody asked you.
Angry doesn’t mean you’re bad. It means something matters to you.
Anger is one of the most common feelings kids have about divorce, and one of the least talked about. You might be angry at one parent, both of them, or at the whole situation. You might feel it in your body first: a tight chest, hot face, wanting to slam a door.
Anger usually sits on top of something softer, like hurt, fear, or feeling powerless. You don’t have to dig that up right now. Just know the anger is information, not a flaw in you.
It’s okay to be angry and still love them. Both can be true at the same time.
Things that might help
- Move it out of your body: run, shoot hoops, dance hard to one loud song.
- Write the angriest letter you can. Don’t send it. Rip it up after.
- Squeeze a pillow or ice cube for 30 seconds, then let go and notice the difference.
- When you’ve cooled off, tell a parent one thing that made you mad, starting with "I felt…"
If you want to say it out loud
Not sure how to start? You could try:
“I’m really angry about this and I need you to just listen for a minute.”
You could say it to a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a counselor, or someone on a free help line.
Things to tell yourself
- All of my feelings are allowed, even the messy ones.
- Big feelings come in waves. This one will pass.
- Right now, I only have to take the next breath.