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For parents and caregivers

Helping your kid through it

Your child may have found this site on their own. Here’s what tends to help kids most, and how to get them someone to talk to without it costing a thing.

What helps most

  • Tell them, together if you can, in simple, honest words. Then say clearly: it is not their fault, and both of you will keep loving and caring for them.
  • Keep them out of the middle. No messages through them, no questions about the other home, no criticism of their other parent where they can hear it.
  • Give them the practical facts early: where they’ll sleep, school, the schedule. Not knowing is often harder for kids than the news itself.
  • Let every feeling be okay, including anger at you and relief. You don’t have to fix their feelings, just make room for them.
  • Keep routines and familiar things as steady as you can: bedtimes, activities, friends.
  • Look after yourself too. Kids notice. Getting support for yourself is part of supporting them.

Getting them a counselor or therapist

Counseling is one of the most helpful things you can offer a child going through a separation, and asking for it is a healthy sign, not a warning sign. If your child asks to talk to someone, take it as a compliment to the trust between you.

  • Start with the school counselor. Free, already in your child’s life, and experienced with family changes. Many schools also run groups for kids of separated parents.
  • Ask your family doctor or pediatrician for a referral to covered or free children’s mental health services.
  • Check public youth services in your country and any sliding-scale or low-cost clinics. Our free help page lists options in the US, UK, Canada and Australia.
  • Ask about confidentiality up front, with your child in the room, so everyone knows what the therapist will and won’t share.

If you and your co-parent disagree about therapy, check what your parenting plan or local law says about consent; in many places either parent can arrange it, but rules differ.

When to get help right away

Reach out to a professional soon if your child talks about hurting themselves, seems hopeless, stops eating or sleeping, pulls away from everything they used to enjoy, or if these changes last more than a couple of weeks. If they’re in danger right now, call your local emergency number.